The Misophonia Family Handbook
A practical guide to understanding misophonia, supporting each other and finding a calmer, kinder way to live together.
Smaller triggers. Bigger tomorrows.
By Adam Bucklow, founder of The MisoGo Misophonia Support Programme. A handbook for the whole family, going beyond the MisoGo Programme: written for the whole room, not just the person having the reaction.
You know the sound before it happens.
You have been listening for it all evening. You have chosen where to sit. You have decided whether to eat. You have run through the calculations — who is at the table, what’s for dinner, whether the television will be on, how quickly you can leave.
If you know that moment, you know misophonia. If you love someone who does, you probably know it too.
The Misophonia Family Handbook is written for the whole room. The partner sitting opposite. The parent watching a child leave the table. The sibling who has quietly learned to eat with the door shut. The friend who keeps saying the wrong thing because nobody has told them the right one.
“It’s only chewing.” One small word. A lot of damage.
You may have spent years trying to explain something that happens in seconds.
A sound occurs. Your body reacts. Your attention narrows. The room you were sitting in a moment ago — the kitchen, the car, the sofa, the family dining table — suddenly feels different.
From the outside, it can look baffling.
“It’s only chewing.”
“It’s only tapping.”
“It’s only someone breathing.”
“It’s only a pen.”
The word only can do a surprising amount of damage. It may be spoken with genuine confusion rather than cruelty, but it reduces the size of the sound while completely missing the size of the response.
For the person experiencing misophonia, the sound may be ordinary. The reaction is not.
For the person sitting nearby, the reaction may appear sudden, personal or wildly out of proportion. … They may feel blamed for eating, breathing, moving, laughing or simply existing in the wrong way.
Both people can be telling the truth about what the moment feels like to them.
An extract from Chapter 1. This is why “only” is crossed out on the cover. Join the launch list and you’ll hear first when the whole book is out.
Twelve chapters, in four parts.
Understanding what is actually happening
What misophonia is, why the reaction arrives before choice does, what it costs the person you love, and what it’s costing you.
- What Misophonia Actually Is
- What It Costs the Person You Love
- What It’s Costing You
Living with misophonia
The conversation most families have twenty times, badly — and how to have it once, properly. Mealtimes, sleep, sex and the bedroom, cars, couches and communal spaces.
- The Conversation to Have — Once, Properly
- Mealtimes
- Sleep, Sex, Genital Sensations and the Bedroom
- Cars, Couches and Communal
When the situation is more complicated
When it’s your child, when it runs in the family, and when something harder may be sitting underneath.
- When It’s Your Child
- When It Runs in the Family
- When Harder Stuff Is Layered Underneath
When it’s really hard
What to do when things are at their hardest, and what healing genuinely looks like — and what it doesn’t.
- When It’s Really Hard, and What to Do Then
- What Healing Actually Looks Like
Plus an introduction, a letter to the person with misophonia from their family, and a country-by-country guide to when to seek professional help.
For the people who are still in the room.
- Partners who have become frightened of making a noise in their own home
- Parents supporting a child without letting the condition become the boss of the household
- Siblings who have spent years wondering why a packet of crisps can change the atmosphere
- Friends who want to help, and don’t know what to say
- People with misophonia who want their family to understand
Available soon.
The Handbook is coming in paperback, hardback and digital formats. Join the list below and you’ll hear first, the day it’s out.
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